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What over a decade of coaching has taught me about fear, confidence, and early growth in real estate
After more than ten years of leading real estate offices, coaching agents at every stage of their careers, and bringing hundreds of brand-new agents into this industry, I’ve noticed a pattern that never really changes.
New agents don’t struggle with motivation.
They struggle with what’s going on in their head.
And before anything else is said, it’s important to say this clearly: these thoughts, doubts, and hesitations are completely normal.
The uncertainty. The second-guessing. The fear of saying the wrong thing or being seen as inexperienced. I’ve watched capable, intelligent, well-intentioned people experience all of it—often quietly, and often alone. None of this means someone isn’t cut out for real estate. It means they’re stepping into something new, visible, and uncomfortable.
Where things diverge is what happens next.
The Fear Isn’t Sales — It’s Exposure
Many new agents feel deeply uncomfortable reaching out to the people they already know — friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, and community contacts. The reasons sound different on the surface, but underneath, they’re remarkably consistent.
“I’d rather work with strangers.”
“My friends and family don’t have money.”
“I don’t want to mess this up.”
Most new agents don’t shy away from work. They don’t mind learning contracts, marketing, or technology. What causes hesitation is the idea of being seen trying something new by people who already know them.
Working with strangers feels safer because failure feels private.
Working with people you know feels riskier because mistakes feel personal.
There’s also a common misunderstanding about what early outreach actually is. Many agents believe reaching out means asking for business, pitching, or turning relationships into transactions. That’s not what good agents do—and it’s certainly not what I’ve ever coached.
Early outreach isn’t about selling.
It’s about orientation.
It’s about letting people know what you do, how you’re growing, and how to think of you when real estate comes up—not today, not tomorrow, but someday.
“I Don’t Want to Mess This Up” Is Honest — And Human
When agents tell me they’re afraid of making a mistake with someone they care about, I respect that honesty. It shows responsibility.
But experience teaches something important:
people who already know you are far more forgiving than strangers.
They give grace. They root for you. They understand growth. And most don’t expect perfection—they expect professionalism and effort.
No one becomes competent before conversations.
Competence is built through them.
“I’ve Never Owned a Home” — And Why That Stops People Cold
Another fear I hear often, especially from younger agents or career-changers, sounds like this:
“I’ve never owned real estate myself.”
“I’m pretty young—none of my friends are buying homes yet.”
This one cuts deeper because it challenges legitimacy.
New agents worry that without personal ownership experience, they don’t have the right to speak up, educate, or even introduce what they do. They assume credibility comes from age or milestones rather than preparation, guidance, and support.
Here’s what experience has taught me:
you do not need to have lived every life stage to be valuable in real estate.
Many excellent agents begin their careers before they ever purchase a home themselves. What matters is how well you listen, how well you prepare, and who you surround yourself with as you learn.
As for friends not being in the “right age category,” that misunderstands how opportunity actually works.
Most business doesn’t come from people who are ready today. It comes from people who remember you when the time is right—or who know someone else who needs help first.
Your job early on isn’t to harvest.
It’s to plant.
The Quiet Excuses That Sound Logical — But Cost Years
Over time, I’ve learned that most resistance to outreach doesn’t come wrapped in fear. It comes wrapped in logic.
“I’ll start once I get my first deal.”
“I don’t want people to think I’m desperate.”
“Social media should replace calling or reaching out.”
“I don’t want to mix business with personal relationships.”
Each of these sounds reasonable. None of them are harmless.
Waiting until after the first deal assumes confidence comes before visibility. In reality, visibility is what creates the first deal.
Silence rarely reads as professionalism. It usually reads as absence. And while social media is a powerful tool, it doesn’t replace connection—it supplements it. Broadcasting is not the same as building trust. Algorithms don’t create relationships; conversations do.
Letting people know what you do isn’t crossing a boundary. It’s providing clarity. Avoiding these conversations doesn’t keep relationships clean.
It keeps opportunities invisible.
What the Agents Who Push Through Have in Common
After watching hundreds of careers unfold, the agents who move through this head trash share one common trait:
They’re willing to push through discomfort to grow as people, not just as professionals.
They don’t do it alone.
They rely on a close peer group—sometimes small, sometimes large—made up of people inside the industry. That might be a manager or leader, a mentor, or a handful of successful agents who are willing to listen, offer perspective, and share quick nuggets of insight when things feel heavy.
They embed themselves in their environment.
They show up. They engage in real conversations. They ask questions in real time. And importantly, they don’t rely solely on social media groups or anonymous forums for guidance. Those spaces can be useful, but they’re rarely personal—and often noisy. For new agents, too much noise leads to overthinking and paralysis instead of action.
Growth requires proximity.
What I Tell New Agents Now
You’re not reaching out because people are clients.
You’re reaching out so they know who to refer.
That shift removes pressure. It replaces fear with clarity.
Real estate is, and always has been, a relationship business. Technology has changed how we communicate, but it hasn’t changed how trust is formed.
Visibility comes before opportunity.
Final Thoughts
After watching hundreds of agents start their careers, I’ve learned that talent and intelligence rarely determine who succeeds. Something else does.
The emotions that hold new agents back are normal. The uncertainty, the hesitation, the fear of getting it wrong—all of it comes with starting something meaningful.
The agents who build durable, fulfilling careers aren’t the ones who wait to feel qualified. They’re the ones who lean into support, stay close to people doing the work, and take action before everything feels comfortable.
In this business, presence builds confidence—not the other way around.
And if reaching out to people you already know feels uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
It usually means you’re growing.
If you’re excited about this career but feeling stuck or unsure where to start, I’m always open to a real conversation about what you’re experiencing and how to move forward with clarity.
